BSA 104 (Scriptwriting) Week 14 : Treatments

This week we had to write and submit our treatments, I changed a lot since writing my Outline. I've taken Patrick's advice on board, scaling it down a bit as I've changed it to one, contained setting with fewer scenes.

As per usual it took me while to work out what I wanted, writing the treatment multiple times, none of which I was too happy with. As it stands the final isn't something I have a lot of confidence in, but it provides plenty of opportunity for dialogue.

_____________________________________________________________________________

Version 1: The two men and the two women are sitting at the dinner table, all eating some kind of salad based entre. Arlene tells Jenny that Pat is a math’s teacher, Pat makes a joke about how depressing the job is. David points out that Pat hates it but chooses to do it because of his curse, he also adds that Pat is quite possibly depressed and that’s why Jenny has to meet him. Jenny says that she doesn’t think anyone should be unhappy no matter their situation. Arlene says that Jenny’s course teaches people to be happy with their curses by finding ways to work around them and to use them positively. Jenny points out that she’s been helping David, she says David might not be able to tell anything but the truth but that it's not necessarily a bad thing, he just leaves a bad impression on people if he isn’t careful about what he says.

Pat points out the fact that David hasn’t said one horribly offensive thing all night. Arlene nods knowingly as she drowns the last of her wine. Arlene encourages Pat to ask David a question to David about the food. He asks David what he thinks of the food, David says that it reminds him of when he was a young boy and his mother used to prepare a similar dish. Pat point out that his best friend is genuinely pleasant now, he asks inquisitively “so he’s not lying’? Jenny tells him due to David’s curse it's impossible to lie, but like most things in the world there are ways around strict rules. She says that David can’t lie, but he can carefully choose what information he wants to give people.

David says he absolutely hated his mother’s food and that it's really a tragedy that he ended up with a wife with the same lack of culinary talents. Arlene ignores this and says it’s been a very good change in the community, people take a liking much more easily to David now, and they have become more accepted within the neighborhood. Jenny says it’s not about decidedly getting rid of the problem, rather a way of fixing it. Changing the way people think about something can make a curse a gift.

Pat disagrees, saying a curse can never be made a gift, he says that while David might have found a way to be less honest and not as alienating, that at the end of the day he will never be able to live a normal life. Jenny says the only requirement for a normal life is to be happy, and that is what she tries to encourage people to do. To make the most of what they have. Pat says that while David might be happy there will always be things that he’ll never be able to do. Jenny asks what kind of things, Pat tries to find his words. He says lying for example, then he says that while lying is a bad thing, there are good uses for it. He mentions that telling a kid that Santa isn’t not real would have been good for David to have done last year instead of making all the kids cry. Jenny points out that David can avoid situations like that now, Pat rebuttals that that’s not the problem, that his point is there are less opportunities for people with curses. David would never be able to tell his children about things like Santa or the Easter Bunny, he says that there are entire careers that are locked off for David. Jenny admits that his statement might be true.

Everyone is saying their goodbyes and gathered in the small hallway leading to the front door. Arlene says that David can keep the clothes. Both he and Jenny start walking back, the weather isn’t nearly as bad as it was - it’s not raining anymore for one - he asks where she parked. She says she didn’t, she walked. Surprised he asks if she lives nearby, she says she doesn’t. He asks why she walked here in the rain, she hold up her umbrella and says she likes the sound of rain on the tarp. He points out that she decided to walk in the rain and cold of her own will, she points out he did the same. He says that’s different. She asks him if he does it because of his curse. He explains that he has certain quirks and methods of working around his curse. He says that’s not important and asks why she did it. She says that she tries to find the beauty in every situation, and even the terrible weather of Invercargill can be attractive.

Pat says that there’s no reason to try and find the silver lining in every situation, it’s fake and you’re just deluding yourself. She says she disagrees. He explains that the weather of that night was terrible and no person in their right mind would walk even a block in it, let alone five. She asks him if he’s ever tried. He asks “tried what?”. She clarifies whether he’s ever tried to be positive in his life. He says of course he hasn’t. He explains that he’d rather stay alive, that living any kind of life is better than nothing. She says she knows about his condition, that he’ll die on his happiest day, but she says she has a theory about that.

He says he doesn’t want her counselling, she says it’s free. He says he’ll probably disagree with it, she points out he probably disagrees with most things. A pause. He says that he agrees with her on one thing: that not everyone is born equal. She says she never said that, he says she did. He says she said it when she was said he was right about David having a lack of opportunities because of his curse. While not in those exact words she basically admitted that not everyone is, or ever will be, equal.

She says that he misunderstood. He says he understood perfectly, he understands that she is one of those people who thinks that they can change the world just because they have a positive outlook on life. She says there is no harm in not making the most of what you have. He says that might be true but there’s no way she can fix broken people, at the end of the day they might appear normal but they are still exactly the same inside. She says he has been blessed with a particularly negative outlook, that doesn’t mean he’s right. He says he hates people like her, people who try and change the world with rose-tinted glasses. She says she hates people who see the worst in people. He says that’s not his fault, he was cursed and that’s that. She says she has a curse too and her outlook is just as much tied to it as his. It starts raining and she walks away with her umbrella, leaving him on the sidewalk. He doesn’t do anything for a moment, just standing in the rain.

Then he starts running after her, asking what her curse is. She keeps walking ignoring him. He asks again. She stops and turns around. He looks at her expectantly, she asks if he wants to come inside. An apartment can be seen between them, she says this is her place.

She opens the door to a small apartment, it is humble but colourful. They sit down, she pours some wine and tells him that she’ll tell him about hers if he tells her about his. He says there isn’t much to tell, Arlene and David have already done enough. She says she doesn’t care, she wants to hear the real thing. He tells her that when he was very young he and his friends did a stupid thing. They broke onto the property of a witch and she cursed each of them depending on the specifics of their personality. He says he was a particularly cheery child. She asks if he’s ever tried to track the old woman down, he says he has but that it was as unsuccessful as most.

He asks her about hers. She says that she wasn’t really cursed, but that a witch was involved. She says that in college she asked a witch how long she’ll live and the witch told her something she didn’t want to hear. She tells Pat that she doesn’t have long to live, that’s why she lives life to the fullest. She says that knowing that you are going to die shouldn't stop you from enjoying life while you have it. He says he doesn’t know how to do it, if he’s happy, something that he wants, then he’ll die - something that he obviously wants to avoid.

She says she has that theory about his condition, she says that she thinks he is approaching it the wrong way. She says if his entire life is miserable then the happiest day of his life will also be much sadder than possible. She says that he needs to make the normal days of his life happier so that he can live a more full life.

They say their goodbyes, at the door he asks if she wants to go out sometime. She says yes. Pat can be seen leaving the apartment and walking down the road, the rain is gone. He has a big smile on his face - he looks happy.

He gets hit by a speeding truck.

______________________________________________________________________________

Version 2: A doorbell can be heard, a man’s voice is heard yelling to ‘come in’, the sound of a door opening. We fade in from black to see: a man stands dripping wet in the foyer of an old wooden house. He’s getting the red carpet wet.

Another man enters: he states the obvious, the first man points out that he stated the obvious, he also says he got confused by the car in the driveway, it’s different. The second man states that his wife wanted a change, the first man finds this unusual. The second man asks why he walked in the rain, did the first man have a bad day?

The first man goes through his day, it’s a very good day - he got promoted, luck turned his way and he got a big tax return. Both men sigh as if this is a bad thing.

The second man suggests they change his clothes, a woman’s voice can be heard, she asks who’s arrived. The man answers, the woman asks how is he. They yell back and forth establishing the situation. The woman asked if he told the first man about someone coming to dinner.

We cut to: The men looking through clothes, the second man’s clothes are too small for the first man. He asks the second man why he didn’t tell him someone else is going to be there, especially someone who’s a psychiatrist. He says this is why he avoids coming to their house. The second man says his wife organised it, he clears up that he objected.

He asks where their dad’s clothes are, the second man says they got rid of them. The first man asks why, the second man states that his wife thought it was a good idea. The first man objects and points out that the second man is acting like a cuck.

The doorbell rings. The second man says he has some old rugby clothes that might fit his brother. Everyone is in the foyer, the two men are coming down the stairs, the rugby clothes are too small. The man is introduced to the new woman, the wife leaves.
_________________________________________________________________________
My final version was basically Version 1 with a bit at the start similar to what can be seen in Version 2, unfortunately I've lost that particular file.